Broken Souls: Chapter 54

Chapter Fifty Four

Everything hurt.

But that was probably to be expected, seeing as he had tried to fight half of Kirkwall last night in an abandoned sewer. He really should consider a trade; or what was it that the nobles around here did? Investing, that's it. He should learn how to weave, or make pottery or invest in an expedition that wasn't likely to try and get him killed. None of those seemed like vastly painful options, and after last night he was quite willing to up and become a seamstress if anyone would take him. No more riding in to save the day, unless all he had to do to save the day was rescue a lost puppy.

Although knowing his luck, the puppy would be at the very back of a high dragon lair, being held captive by darkspawn.

Garrett groaned and rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head to block out the sunlight. Who in the name of Andraste's flaming knickers would be cruel enough to break into his bedroom just to pull the curtains open? Some sick and perverted idiot with a death wish, that's who. Or it could have just been his mother again, blasted woman. If she came bustling in here, expecting him to be cheerful and enthusiastic about anymore damned afternoon teas she'd gotten them invited to…

He didn't understand the point of afternoon tea. Oh, he was quite in favour of the idea of settling down to a delicious snack at some point in the lazy afternoon sun, but that was never what his mother dragged him along to under pain of death. Afternoon tea, according to the ladies of Kirkwall, was some devilishly complicated affair that involved tiny food and equally tiny plates and saucers and teacups, all of which made him wonder if he wasn't actually a Qunari masquerading as a human. Why was everything so damned small? If they were going to serve him cupcakes, why did they have to be only as wide across as his thumbnail? Had there been a terrible mix up in the kitchens, and they'd been served the food that was supposed to be for the children? Why were the sandwiches cut into tiny triangles and stuffed with cucumber- cucumber! Of all things! – and then served to him on a plate made of the most brittle porcelain and of course with his clumsy, brutish hands things inevitably went awry…

He'd broken three in the last fortnight. And at this point, if his mother marched in and informed him they had another invitation for that day, he'd damn well find a way out of it. Screw it- he'd take the puppy and the darkspawn and the dragons right now over more afternoon tea.

With the pillow over his head, he actually managed to drift off to sleep again, or at least to that halfway point between sleep and wakefulness. He thought he might have been dreaming, because he could hear a female voice humming cheerfully nearby. The singer's mirth was infectious and he felt himself smiling into the pillow- until he realised that the song was not coming from his dream after all and someone was in his room.

He sat bolt upright, grunting from the pain the movement caused him, and stared around the room frantically. He almost missed her the first time, she was crouched so low to the ground, but as his eyes swept past her she straightened and stood upright again and of course that caught his attention.

"Merrill," he said from between clenched teeth, "what are you doing in my room?"

She spun to face him, water sloshing noisily from the saucepan she was holding in her hands. "Oh! Garrett! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I was just… why are you not wearing a shirt?"

He ran a hand over his face, trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes. It also gave his hands something to do that wasn't choking her. "Merrill, I'm in my bed, in my room. I don't really have a dress code for in here."

Her face was bright red but she seemed to be frozen in place- she was still staring. "Of course, how ridiculous, why would you have a dress code for your own bedroom? That's a ridiculous idea, I'm sorry for even questioning you in the first-"

"Merrill!" He covered his face with his hands. Maker save him from whimsically innocent elvish girls. "What are you doing in my room? While I'm asleep, no less."

"Oh!" She finally tore her gaze away from him, her blush deepening as she held out the saucepan. More water splashed onto the floor. "I was watering your plants! I don't think Bodahn really remembers all that often, and I know that you don't, so I was just… Bodahn has been letting me in, I've been doing it for a few months now."

From between his laced fingers he groaned. "Merrill… you've been coming into my house for months to water my plants… have you been coming into my room this whole time too?"

Her hesitation told him everything he needed to know. He groaned and flopped back onto his pillows. "Merrill, honey, hasn't anyone explained basic common courtesy to you before? Things like, you know, don't go into people's rooms while they're sleeping because it can come off as all kinds of creepy?"

"I was watering your plants!" she said defensively; he could hear a trace of steel in her voice, as if she'd finally remembered she had a backbone. "Since you weren't going to do it, I was hardly going to let the poor little things wither and die! And I don't creep in here while you're sleeping it's only happened four times- or maybe eight, I lose track sometimes- and most of the time I do it while you're out, but you've been in bed for hours, and I came up here to see if you wanted to go see Arianni and-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" He pulled a pillow over his face. "Fine, I'll come with you to see Arianni. Just… give me five minutes to get dressed and we can go, okay?"

She stuttered something in response, the fire going out of her quickly; he waited until he heard the door slam before groaning again and throwing the pillow against the far wall. "Of course, the first time I get a woman in my room in months, I feel like shit and all she wants to do is water my plants." He groaned again. "That should be a dirty euphemism. Why is there never anyone around to hear my brilliant wit?"

He levered himself out of bed, gasping at the pain that shot through him at the first movement. Anders may have closed up the giant gushing wound, but he couldn't take away the delightful sensation of being battered and bruised from head to toe, the result of being trampled by a crowd of several dozen wild eyed crazies.

He managed to get his feet under him when he tried to stand up, a very good start, and he staggered towards the wardrobe. In front of the fire, Rabbit eyed him carefully from his snoozing spot and his tail started wagging. Garrett pointed at him. "You are a traitor," he said grouchily. "You're supposed to be a vicious guard dog. Why did you not defend my vulnerable, maidenly honour and throw her out?"

Rabbit woofed in response.

"I'm not going to forgive you that easily." He tugged open the wardrobe and pulled out a change of clothes, limping back over to the bed. He fell face first onto the mattress with a grunt. "New plan," he said to the mattress, "I'm staying here today."

He lay there for another few minutes before he felt guilty enough to actually try getting dressed. Pants weren't too hard, but the moment he tried to lift his arms over his head to slide his padded undershirt on over his head, he hissed in pain at the lightning it shot down his recently injured side. He sat down on the side of the bed and tried again- and it felt like he was being stabbed between the ribs all over again.

Gritting his teeth, he glanced at the door. "Merrill?" he called, hoping he didn't sound too grumpy. "Are you still there?"

There was a long moment of silence before the door finally cracked open, and she peeked around the frame. "Yes?"

He couldn't believe he was about to ask, but… "I can't get my undershirt on. And if I can't get that on, I have no hope of getting my armour on." When she just blinked at him, he elaborated. "Could you… help, maybe? If it's not too much to ask?"

"Oh! Of course!" She must have pushed the door too hard, because it banged loudly off the wall and came back to hit her on the hip as she stepped into the room. "Oh, ow! Oh, abelas, Garrett I hope that didn't leave a mark on your wall- if it did I can absolutely get it fixed, I can understand you'd be very particular about the walls in such a fancy house as this. I didn't mean-"

Dear Maker, she never stopped! "Merrill- a little help here, perhaps, and a little less talking about my wall?"

She blushed crimson again. "I'm sorry, Garrett, of course; where are my manners?" She dashed over and stood before him, looking somewhat apprehensive as she eyed him and the wad of material in his lap. "Just… so I'm clear, why exactly can you not get your shirt on by yourself?"

He sighed. "Because, Merrill, yesterday I not only got into a bar brawl, I also was stupid enough to take on the most fanatical element of the Chantry and all its merry followers, and at some point during that marvellous evening someone stabbed me. Anders healed the wound, but it doesn't change the fact that several dozen people went to town on me yesterday."

Instead of looking skittish or frightened by his rant, she had a little frown of concentration on her face. "Where did you get stabbed?" she said, her voice not in the least bit timid.

Confused by the sudden change in her mood, he tried to move his arm up to show her and hissed out a breath. Her hand was on his bicep a moment later and she pushed it quite forcefully back down. "Alright, no, I see the problem. You should be wearing a sling, to try and stop your arm from moving and irritating the wound."

He blinked. "Merrill, I didn't think you really knew anything about healing."

"I don't," she said easily. "But as the First, you learn a lot of things about… well, everything, I suppose. We saw plenty of our hunters come back with injuries, so I know how to help you heal yourself, even if I can't do it for you."

He couldn't help himself- he laughed. "Merrill, you are full of surprises."

She blushed again, her efficiency vanishing as she began to stutter. "Oh! Well, it's not like I'm trying to be secretive or anything, I mean, I could sit down and tell you everything about me, but we'd be here for days, and I'd probably forget something or get distracted halfway through and start talking about kittens- which reminds me, do you know there's a litter of kittens in the marketplace down in Lowtown? I saw them the other day while I was buying my groceries, and I remembered that Anders loved cats, and I was thinking it might be a nice gift for him, but then I wondered if perhaps it was inappropriate because I know he doesn't really like me all that much and-"

"Merrill." He didn't know whether to laugh or try and smother her with the pillow so she'd shut up. "I still don't have a shirt on. If my mother walks in here…"

"Oh!" She flushed so deeply towards scarlet that for a second her tattoos vanished. "Of course. How insensitive of me. Here- we'll get the shirt and armour set up and then I'll get you settled with a sling."

***

"… and then she says 'It can't be the halla, it's not even raining!'"   

Garrett threw back his head and laughed. "Maker's Breath, I needed that," he said, grinning like an idiot as they walked down the hallway towards the staircase. He looked at her sideways. "You should tell stories about your clan more often, if you can make them all sound that funny."

She giggled and blushed. "Oh, well, I'm sure I'd just ramble on and bore everybody most of the time. But I'm glad I could make you laugh. Are you sure you wouldn't like to stop for breakfast, before we go to see Arianni?"

"No point in putting it off," he said. He frowned as he heard voices up ahead in the foyer. "Besides, we can grab some baked deliciousness on our way through the market; it's not so late that there won't still be fruit tarts."

They came out onto the landing above the foyer, heading towards the staircase, and Hawke glanced over the railway- and froze, his eyes narrowing in anger.

"Knight Captain," he said coldly, interrupting the argument his guest was having with Bodahn. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Cullen looked up at him and did a double take when he saw the sling and the black eye- which Garrett had only found a half hour ago himself when he'd staggered into the bathroom to wash his face- and it gave Bodahn the opportunity to get in first.

"Oh! Messere Hawke, I thought you were still abed; I was just explaining to the Knight Captain that he would simply have to come back later because you were far too tired from that kerfuffle last night. Quite a mess, that one, if I do say so myself."

Hawke raised his eyebrows as he slowly descended the stairs, glare fixed on Cullen. "Already come to check up on me, have we?" he said angrily. "Come to see that I wasn't out of line, killing one of your precious ducklings? Well, rest assured Knight Captain, that I-"

"At ease, Hawke," Cullen said, holding a placating hand out between them to stop him talking. "I've seen all I need to see. You can't blame me for following orders- if one of your companions died under suspicious circumstances I would hope you would choose to follow it up to the best of your abilities too."

It went a little way towards placating him. "Was he your friend?" he growled, unable to help himself. He felt Merrill put a warning hand on his arm.

Cullen's eyes narrowed. "Not in the slightest. But he wore our colours when he acted, and so I must investigate. I would hope you understand that. Your injuries are all I need to prove to Meredith you were not at fault."

Hawke blinked in confusion. "Wait… are you saying you believed my side of the story before seeing this?"

The Knight Captain nodded tersely to him. "I know enough of your character to know that it was out of line for you," he said simply.  

Garrett stared at him, suspicion still rife within him. "You look tired. Losing sleep over me, were you?"

Something flared in Cullen's eyes and he looked away quickly. "We received word in the middle of the night about what had happened. Meredith is never one to waste time."

An elusive answer if ever I heard one. "Well, you've seen for yourself, and I can tell you right now, that bastard Varnell-"

"I know, I know, I read the report." Cullen looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry it had to come this far, Hawke. I will defend your actions to the Knight Commander as strongly as possible."

"That's…" For once Hawke found himself lost for words. "Very much appreciated. Thank you, Knight Captain."

"It's the least I can do." He bowed stiffly and turned to go.

"Oh! And give my regards to my sister, please?"

It was an innocent request, but the way Cullen stiffened at the words set off all of his older brother alarms.

"I will convey your greeting to your sister," Cullen said, the words spoken far too precisely to come across as natural. Garrett narrowed his eyes as the Knight Captain left the house with more haste than was probably necessary.

"Garrett?" Merrill still had her hand on his arm. "Why are you frowning? He just said he was going to defend you, and he was going to say hello to Bethany for you."

"It's the last part I'm worried about," he muttered, before sighing. "Ah well, the best of a bad situation it seems. Shall we escort you back to the Alienage and find ourselves some delicious baked goods on the way?"

***

He was just licking the pastry flakes off his hand- it was much harder eating a crumbly tart with one hand than he had expected- as they descended the steps down into the Alienage. The square was packed with elves going about their daily business, some of them heading up the stairs towards the higher parts of town for jobs in the brothels and as servants in the noble houses. It was easy to keep track of Merrill as she wound her way through the crowd, mostly because he was about a foot taller than mostly everyone else in the square.

She stopped and waited for him to catch up, gesturing to a flimsy looking set of apartments on the far side of the alienage. "Arianni lives over there, on the third floor. Did you want me to come with you, or would you rather go alone?" There was an uneasy hesitance in the way she offered for him to go on without her that was perplexing.

He shrugged, and immediately regretted the movement as a new flare of pain ripped down his side. She tutted him and reached up to adjust the sling as he said "I think it'd be better if you'd come. Otherwise I'm likely to go barrelling into every room on the third floor until I find her, and knowing my luck I'll interrupt someone in the middle of coitus."

He could almost hear her frown of confusion before he could see it. "Interrupt people doing what?" He opened his mouth to explain, a smile already playing over his lips when she instantly reddened and went "Oh! Oh, oh never mind, I think I understand. It was dirty, wasn't it? I thought so, it's the kind of joke you would make."  

"And how do you know what kind of joke I'm always making?" he said loftily, assuming a hurt expression as she led him towards the building.

The reason for Merrill's reticence soon became clear when they got to Arianni's tiny apartment; they could hear voices inside as they approached and Merrill grew tense at the sound. He gave her a curious look and she just looked away, her eyes dull with unhappiness. He knocked on the door anyway, wondering about her odd reaction, and when Arianni opened the door and ushered them inside he realised what was bothering her.

Keeper Marethari was seated in the tiny main room, a small mug held between two hands. She nodded gratefully to him as he shuffled inside. "Andaran atish'an, Hawke," she said softly. "And you too, da'len. It is good to see you well."

"Aneth ara, Keeper," Merrill said, clearly uncomfortable. "I didn't realise you'd be able to get down from Sundermount so quickly."

"The message from Arianni met me halfway," Marethari said in that ancient voice of hers. "I had decided that Feynriel's condition had worsened far too much for me to sit about and wait for the summons."

"Is he okay?" Garrett said, standing awkwardly just inside the door. The whole room seemed a wee bit too small for him, as if he'd break something the moment he sat down. "Merrill didn't really have a lot of time to explain the situation to me."

"Feynriel is trapped in a nightmare," Marethari said, resting a hand on Arianni's shoulder when the other woman let out a sob. "As his particular talent lies in the manipulation and creation of dreams, to be trapped in that world is an infinite danger to him. We need to retrieve him from the nightmare before he is not able to be saved."

"I see," he said slowly, racking his brains to understand exactly how he came into everything. "And I assume there's some kind of magic involved to wake him up safely?"

The Keeper nodded slowly. "There are ways… old rituals forgotten by your circle mages… I can send you into the Fade to retrieve Feynriel's spirit. I only ask this of you, Hawke, because Feynriel trusts you, and we need someone he will respond positively to."

If it got him out of afternoon tea… "Will it be dangerous?"

"There are always dangers in the Fade," she said honestly. "And Feynriel is a beacon for demons, more so than any other mage. It is why he will need help to break free."

He sighed.  "Two questions, then- when do we start, and can I take some friends?"

***

Merrill said she'd wait for him with Marethari and Arianni, although she clearly looked unhappy with that prospect. In fact, as he left the apartment he risked glancing back at her and saw the misery written all over her face. He nearly called out to her and asked her to come with him, but she had seemed fairly adamant about staying.

The journey back to Hightown didn't take all that long, now that the morning crowds had thinned out a little and headed off for lunch. He did receive a few odd looks, charging through the streets in full armour with a black eye and his arm in a sling. He felt almost naked without his greatsword strapped to his back, and he had to make do with the piddly short sword that hung from his belt. It was an awkward reach too, trying to get past the sling to grab it. Hopefully no one would be stupid enough to start a fight with him in the middle of broad daylight.

Although, he thought with a groan, seeing the figure leaning up against his front door, he just might be stupid enough to start the fight himself.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Sebastian?" he said, trying not to sound like the greeting was forced.

The prince didn't seem to notice. "Are you completely mad, Hawke?" he snapped, following him inside when he opened the door. "I heard everything from Elthina once Meredith left. What on earth were you thinking, choosing to fight for one of those godless mongrels-"

"What I choose to do in my spare time is none of your concern, Sebastian," he said firmly as he headed through the hallways towards the cellar entrance. "And neither is my soul, so we can skip that lecture entirely."

"Hawke," Sebastian said, sounding exasperated. "You know I don't come here to lecture you; I only come here out of concern! You have stepped on some mighty powerful toes in the last twenty four hours."

"I know. The Knight Commander already sent her pet to investigate me." He pulled open the cellar door, the smell of earth wafting up from the deep. "And since you're here, that means the Grand Cleric is sniffing after me too."

Sebastian followed him down the stairs, shutting the door behind him as they went. "Garrett, be reasonable! I'm here because I'm your friend, and I'm worried about the road you're walking down. It's never too late to repent your mistakes and find your way back to the true path-"

Garrett stopped so suddenly that Sebastian nearly ran into the back of him. He turned to face him with a glare. "Oh, do tell me, Sebastian, was the true path the one I saw in the depths of Darktown last night, hacking at the bodies of men who were powerless to defend themselves? Sounds like a great path. Let me know how it works out for you."

He kept walking, the steps winding further down into the earth and away from Hightown. "Hawke, you didn't have to go so far as to resort to murder, nor did you have to defame the Templar to the Viscount and implicate the Chantry as-"

"Don't you try and lecture me about murder, Vael," Garrett snarled over his shoulder. "I'm the one that went and cleaned up your dirty little problem in the first place, and you certainly didn't have a problem with murder then. Pious when you want to be, is it?"

Sebastian's mouth snapped shut and his eyes flamed with unspent anger.

They had nearly made it to the Darktown entrance when Sebastian tried again. "At the very least, Hawke, I don't think it could hurt for you to be seen with the Grand Cleric. The fuss you raised last night is very unsettling, and it would be good for people to see the two of you together, putting this nasty business behind you."

"Oh, sure, but shouldn't we wait until I don't look like I was beaten up by a crowd of Chantry fanatics? Don't want to ruin the portrait sitting, after all."

Sebastian made a noise of frustration but stayed blessedly silent as Hawke unlocked the door into Darktown.

It wasn't far to Anders' clinic and Hawke held his breath, half expecting the rogue to launch into another sermon at any moment. But he seemed to have hit a nerve, for his jaw was tightly clenched and he didn't seem likely to start talking any time soon.

The lantern was lit- as always- and they let themselves in, slowly surveying the mild chaos inside. Many of the beds were full, although a great number of the patients appeared to be either asleep or unconscious. Tahlie was seated halfway down the room with a man's leg in her lap, deftly stitching up the gaping wound that was still bleeding sluggishly over her hands and politely reminding him not to cuss quite so loudly as there were children nearby. Anders was a little further down the room, tending to the source of the noise- a woman in labour. Even as they watched, he was encouraging her towards the last final push, her husband holding onto her shoulders as she shrieked and sobbed and strained; a few minutes passed and then finally Anders was holding up a tiny red bundle, snatching up a cloth to wipe at the infant's face.

At the little wail that rang through the clinic, Tahlie's head snapped up, her task forgotten as she stared at her lover holding the newborn. Her eyes quickly filled with tears, the emotions on her face visible even from this distance and even with the half veil hiding the lower half of her face.

Hawke walked forward, putting his hand on her shoulder as a way of offering her some small comfort. She snapped back around with a tremulous gasp; when she saw who it was, she nodded gratefully at him, wiping at her eyes quickly while her hands shook. He didn't feel like pointing out that she'd left little smears of blood on her cheeks. She seemed fragile enough already without him embarrassing her.

Finally, though, Anders was done with the new little family, having cleaned the child and given the mother another tonic to help her relax and recover. Both mother and father were staring in wonder at the baby, tucked up against her breast as she lay in the small cot. He stopped to wipe his hands at the back table, and when Tahlie hesitantly approached him he pulled her into his arms. Even though it was just a hug, there was something vastly intimate taking place between them and Garrett turned away awkwardly, not wanting to intrude. When he glanced sideways and realised Sebastian had not looked away, he elbowed him in the side and glared at him until he complied.

They heard footsteps behind them. "Garrett," Anders said warmly, before saying infinitely more coolly "And Sebastian. What can I do for you both?"

Might as well get to the point. "I'm planning a jaunt into the Fade," Garrett said. "Wondered if you'd care to join me."

Anders raised an eyebrow at the same time that Sebastian exploded. "What? Hawke! After everything I've been saying… have you been listening to a word I've said at all this afternoon?"

"Clearly not," Anders murmured, eyes dancing with amusement.

Garrett explained the situation quickly, ignoring the way Sebastian grew more and more outraged as he continued. "I thought, given your extensive knowledge on the Fade, that you might care to weigh in? I'd certainly appreciate having you there."

"Hawke, you cannot be serious!" Sebastian snapped. "Not only going into the Fade, but to rescue an apostate from demons? If he were safely in the Circle, as he should be, it would be the duty of the Templars to deal with him, men and women specially trained for these exact circumstances. Why would you be so foolish as to risk your life for a cur who doesn't have the decency to-"

"Watch your tongue in my clinic, Vael," Anders said softly; it was probably more terrifying than if he had just shouted.

"You have no idea what you're doing, you're putting so many lives at risk by pandering to this boy and his stupidity. He has gotten himself into this predicament, he should get himself out of it."

Anders stared coldly at him for a moment longer before turning back to Hawke. "I'm in," he said simply. He turned around and gestured to Tahlie. "Sweetheart, I have to go out for a few hours. Can you deal with everything until I get back?"

She wrinkled her nose adorably. "I'm fairly sure I can manage. When in doubt, just use elfroot."

"That's my girl," he said, kissing the little crinkle between her eyes. He turned back to Hawke, but kept his arm around Tahlie. "When do we leave?"

"We can go right now, if you want. The rituals all ready to go-"

"Maker's Breath, I cannot believe this." Sebastian threw his hands in the air in frustration and finally stormed out.

Hawke breathed a sigh of relief. "Blessed Andraste, I thought he was never going to leave," he said.

"You should take Fenris with you," Tahlie said; she blushed when they both looked at her. "What? I heard you talking. If you're going to be facing demons, you should take Fenris. He would never fall to a demon's temptations and you both know it."

Anders was gritting his teeth, the unhappiness evident on his face as Hawke said "Good point. We'll fetch him."

The mage sighed miserably. "Really Hawke? Really?"

"She has a point, Anders," he said. "I've never been to the Fade before, and I don't want any surprises."

"We're going into the Fade in a group dream, to rescue a half elf from his nightmares before demons can take his soul," Anders said wryly. "If there aren't surprises, I'll dance naked under the moonlight."

"Wouldn't you rather dance naked for me?" Tahlie said slyly.